My mother showed up on my door step last Tuesday without any prior notification. I really wouldn't be comfortable with anyone doing that, but with the history I have with my Mother, it wasn't a pleasant surprise.

As it always does, everything fell apart yesterday. There were confrontations, accusations, insults and all sorts of crap thrown around. She was staying with my sister, who asked her numerous times to leave..to just go..she refused saying she had no where else to go. She did, and Kent offered to take her where she needed to go, but she refused. Instead she grabbed her pillow and blanket and stormed off at 11:00pm last night saying she would sleep on the beach and hoped that we all felt good about pushing our mother out on the streets.

We haven't heard from her. She hasn't returned to my sisters. Her things are still at Beth's house, but she hasn't called or come by to claim them.

*sigh*

This fucking makes me sick, but at the same time I am so through with her. She stepped way over the line yesterday saying things to me only meant to hurt and only meant to bring me down to her level, which I am not proud to say she was successful at doing. But I refuse to continue to have her emotionally manipulate me any longer. How do I combat that, though, when she's wandering around town someplace and we have no idea where she is or what she's doing.

This sounds awful, but this would be so much easier to deal with if she had some sort of substance abuse problem, but just the fact that she's mentally unstable leaves me feeling hopeless. There is nothing I can do to make her get help. According to the law, as long as she's providing her basic needs then she can be loonier than a two dollar bill. I don't know how being homeless can be considered providing her basic needs, but I guess that since she's not in any imminent danger, she's considered okay.

I know differently, though. She's not okay...her mind is not okay. SHE NEEDS HELP. And I am helpless to get it for her. There is nothing I can do because she makes it damn near impossible. She twists everything around in such a dark way, she has so much anger and hate and it feels like all she wants to do is bring the rest of us down with her. She is beyond working with. She is so paranoid and distrustful of people that everyone is out to make her life miserable. No amount of reaching out is going to make her happy.

And I am just exhausted. So fucking exhausted.