My mother showed up on my door step last Tuesday without any prior notification. I really wouldn't be comfortable with anyone doing that, but with the history I have with my Mother, it wasn't a pleasant surprise.

As it always does, everything fell apart yesterday. There were confrontations, accusations, insults and all sorts of crap thrown around. She was staying with my sister, who asked her numerous times to leave..to just go..she refused saying she had no where else to go. She did, and Kent offered to take her where she needed to go, but she refused. Instead she grabbed her pillow and blanket and stormed off at 11:00pm last night saying she would sleep on the beach and hoped that we all felt good about pushing our mother out on the streets.

We haven't heard from her. She hasn't returned to my sisters. Her things are still at Beth's house, but she hasn't called or come by to claim them.

*sigh*

This fucking makes me sick, but at the same time I am so through with her. She stepped way over the line yesterday saying things to me only meant to hurt and only meant to bring me down to her level, which I am not proud to say she was successful at doing. But I refuse to continue to have her emotionally manipulate me any longer. How do I combat that, though, when she's wandering around town someplace and we have no idea where she is or what she's doing.

This sounds awful, but this would be so much easier to deal with if she had some sort of substance abuse problem, but just the fact that she's mentally unstable leaves me feeling hopeless. There is nothing I can do to make her get help. According to the law, as long as she's providing her basic needs then she can be loonier than a two dollar bill. I don't know how being homeless can be considered providing her basic needs, but I guess that since she's not in any imminent danger, she's considered okay.

I know differently, though. She's not okay...her mind is not okay. SHE NEEDS HELP. And I am helpless to get it for her. There is nothing I can do because she makes it damn near impossible. She twists everything around in such a dark way, she has so much anger and hate and it feels like all she wants to do is bring the rest of us down with her. She is beyond working with. She is so paranoid and distrustful of people that everyone is out to make her life miserable. No amount of reaching out is going to make her happy.

And I am just exhausted. So fucking exhausted.

I didn't do my gratitude journal last night, so while I'm thinking of the things I was grateful for yesterday, I will do it now.

Yesterday I was grateful for..

...the kids doing their chores without too much complaint and in a fairly timely fashion.

...being able to do 20 sit ups after my walk.

...having all the kids home for dinner.

...the somewhat busy morning at work which made my day go by faster.

...being able to get more laundry finished.

...realizing that I can actually enjoy domesticity and can take pride in taking care of my family without feeling taken for granted.

...the wonderful 45 minute walk I went on after dinner.

...Conan O'Brien.

...being able to go through another day without feeling any tension or anger towards Kent!

...having a fully charged iPod, which make walking and domesticity so much more enjoyable.

...ironing. Yes. I said ironing. What about it??

...my seedlings!! I know you said not to bother starting them, Meredith, but I did any way and they are doing </i>wonderfully</i>. I plan on transplanting them this weekend to the great outdoors. I'm not sure how they will take with all this cold weather we've been having, but at least I gave it a chance.

...all the beautiful flower and trees blooming and blossoming all over town. Even if we are experiencing Spring a month late, the air still smells fresh and beautiful, and I love it.


And on that note...Spring/Summer 2009 is really doing a number on us Poor Yoopers. According to the weather man, we are experiencing weather/temps that we would normally experience the beginning of May. Last night the overnight temperatures were down in the mid to low 30's. Seriously, people. This just ain't right. I told Kent this morning that if this continues to be the weather trend up here, I might consider pulling up the roots and transplanting them someplace with a more agreeable climate. It seems like the seasons up here are turning into 8 months of winter, one week of spring, two days of summer, and then fall. Not cool. I'm praying like a maniac for better weather.

My lower back is giving me lots of trouble today. It started up yesterday afternoon and although I'm taking Advil for the discomfort, it doesn't seem to be doing much. Man. I can NOT wait for benefits. I am going to get the whole once over when I do get myself signed up. I won't be able to add the kids quite yet since it will be more than I can afford while only working part time, but as soon as I go full-time I'll be able to add them too and then I'll be completely free of any kind of state assistance!!!!! Man oh Man!! That's the greatest feeling EVER! I'm seriously going to have a BBQ to celebrate.

Talking about BBQs makes me think of our back yard and how we have NO GRASS back there. Well, that's if you don't count the random clumps and tufts. It's a pretty sad situation. We tried seeding but I think the cold weather is really sabotaging those attempts. Grrr. All I want is a nice thick carpet of grass in my back yard so I can host lovely little back yard BBQs for my friends complete with Summer Drinks and Good Music. I want to look into the City's guidelines for fire pits and see if that's something we can have. I love the idea of having people over for drinks and guitars sitting around the fire just enjoying each others company. Oh man. The daydreaming begins.

Work is slooooooow today. It's just after 1:30pm and I've only have two visits today. *sigh* I really hate it when it's like this because I get so easily bored. There is only so much dusting and rack straightening a person can do before it starts to get tedious. Maybe I'll re-tag the special occasion gowns just
for something to do.

*sigh*

First, though, is lunch. Left over spaghetti topped with green beans from last nights dinner. Yum.

I just found out that my Mother is moving back to Michigan from Missouri, which I am happy to hear about. The problem is, she's moving back to Marquette. I know...I'm a bad daughter. I am glad she's going to be back in the same state, but I don't need her living in the same county. That's just too much.

When I asked her where she was going to live she replied "Somewhere in my van." :o/ So if any of you locals happen to spot an overweight woman in a beat up GMC mini-van parked behind abandoned buildings around town...or better yet, arguing with local authorities about how she has rights as an American to park where she wants to and they can't prove she's squatting...that's my mom.

Oh joy.

She asked my sister if she could park in her driveway. She hasn't asked me, and I know she won't, which is fine by me. I mean, I am not happy with the thought of my mother being a transient and basically homeless, but this is really the position she has put herself in to. This is what she chooses. There is nothing I can do about it.

It really sucks, though.

The past couple of weeks have been kind of good. Not to say there haven't been low points, but I feel like I am coming out of a fog, of sorts, and it feels good.

Kent and I went North to the Copper Country for the holiday weekend. Actually, we only went for a night, but it was still nice to get away. We did some work for Ma & Pa Randell on the farm and then spent a lot of time wandering around the area exploring old remnants and ruins of the mining industry. We played Scrabble. I won. Woot Woot!!

I've started a Gratitude Journal at the suggestion of my therapist. I've thought about doing one before, but just never had the motivation, but she suggested that doing it would really help to improve how I tend to look at things. Somewhere along the line I've become quite the pessimistic person, always assuming the worst about things instead of exploring more positive possibilities. I have to admit, it's kind of working. The more I think about the things I have to be grateful for, the better I realize I have it and how things really aren't as bad as I sometimes feel they are. It's really helped with my interactions with Kent too. I am really seeing him in the way I should be seeing him, and not as someone who wants to just bring me down. That's a problem that stems from just really feeling like I am not deserving of someone like him or the kind of life we could have together, which is really stupid when you think about it. But one of the things we talked about in my last session was how hard I am on myself. So, I am working on that.

A bit o' good news. About a month ago I applied for a Unit Clerk position at Marquette General Hospital and got called in for an interview for the Ortho/Neuro floor. I didn't get that job, but it inspired me to harass the other departments to make sure they were pulling my application. One of the departments I called was the Hemodialysis department. I spoke with the supervisor there and she said she would call HR to have them pull my application and schedule an interview. A week went by and I didn't hear anything from MGH, so I called back and Andrea, the floor supervisor, went ahead and set up an interview with me herself. I went in last Friday for the interview, which I felt went very well, but was nervous about getting too excited about it because I didn't want to jinx it. I gave them until Thursday and when I didn't hear back, I called Andrea again and left a message saying I was very interested in the position if it was still open. Well, HR called me on Friday to offer me the job!!! WOoot Woot!

Getting a job at the hospital is a good thing up in these parts. I mean, Kent even has people at his job congratulating HIM on my "getting in at the hospital", so, whew! It's job security, fairly decent pay and good benefits. I only start off at part time, but I don't really mind because it's the foot in the door I need. Andrea already asked me about how much I'd be willing to work, and I told her I'd prefer full time which she was happy to hear about. I guess there will be a full time position opening up sometime this summer that I'd be first in line for, so that RAWKS. I have to admit, getting this job takes a big load off my shoulders, as far as my financial struggles go. It doesn't mean it solves them, but it certainly helps, so Thank You to whatever higher power out there had a hand in my landing this job. I am forever grateful.

Yesterday I went on a hike up Hogsback Mt. with Kent and the boys. It would have been a lot more fun is Joey wasn't being such a stick-in-the-mud. He pulled his typical "I'm pissed so I'm not going to talk or even acknowledge anything you have to say" schtick. I was pretty hurt at first. I just wanted to have a nice hike with my family, but instead I got the cold shoulder. I was wallowing a bit on our way back down and mentioned to Kent how I remember how we used to have to spend a good half hour looking for the perfect walking stick before we hit the trail when the kids were younger. Kent pointed out that maybe this kind of activity was just something Joey didn't enjoy doing anymore, which is probably true. Him saying that helped me put things into better perspective and made me feel better about it. I still think he would have enjoyed it had he gave it a real chance, but he didn't want to and if he wants to be a boob like that, I just have to learn to let him and let it roll off my back instead of taking it so personally. Josh, Kent and I had fun so that was good. It was quite the work out, though. I almost made it to the top without stopping for a break. Coming back down seemed more of a challenge than going up since I could feel gravity pulling me down with every step I took. It felt really great, though, and I'm glad we did it. I suggested we make the hike every Sunday, or do something related.

Came home from the hike last night and started dinner and worked on laundry. The washer was broke all last week, so we had tons of dirty clothes piled up. I am so thankful it's a super sized washer, though, because I was able to knock out 4 huge loads of laundry without any trouble. So nice. I've got another 4-5 to go, but most of the really important stuff got done last night. I'll work on the rest of it tonight. I'm thinking of doing a boiled dinner tonight with Keilbasa, potatoes, carrots and onions. It was a staple in our home when I was a kid and is very much a comfort food to me. It just sounds good, really. I might pick up another ring of Keilbasa, though, because I don't know that two rings will feed all of us, especially when feeding three growing teenagers. Food is a precious commodity in the household. Gads!

Kari spent the afternoon at the mall with a few of her friends. I was able to throw $30 her way so she'd have spending money. I have to say how impressed I am with her ability to make her money stretch. She was able to find 3 necklaces and three tops with the money I gave her. She showed me her favorite shirt, which I absolutely loved. It says "If you think I'm crazy, you should meet my Mother!" Ha! What a funny one, that girl is. I painted her fingernails and toenails last night while Kent and I watched the Red Wings game (woot! go wings!!). I am glad we get to do little things like that.

Josh has joined his church's softball league, which I am happy about. It will give him some good constructive activity to participate in with fairly decent people. We've been having a real struggle with him lying a lot lately, and not even about big things. It's little meaningless things too and I just don't know how to deal with it in a way that is going to make a big enough impact without turning him into a angry teenager. I mean, he's a good kid, and I feel like this habit stems from him trying to make people like him better...as if he exaggerates things or fibs about little things then he'll somehow seem like a better person?? I don't know how to explain it, but I thought I might talk to the pastor of his church and see if he would talk with him about it. I don't want him to ignore what his Dad and I say about it thinking that we are just picking on him. I want him to understand how much that kind of thing makes more trouble for him in the long run.

Well, I've rambled on quite enough.

Kent and I went to the Copper Country on Sunday and spent the night at The Farm. It was a nice, quiet getaway. We spent Memorial day doing some chores for Ma & Pa Randell before hiking around some old ruins in Calumet and Laurium. It was a nice mini-vacation. I really enjoyed spending time alone with Kent with no distractions and no other obligations. Sometimes I wish it could just be me and him alone all the time, because it seems that's when we have the most fun together. I just want to soak him up. I guess I am a little ridiculous like that.

At any rate, I had lots of fun. I have a ton of pictures, and once I get them uploaded to my Facebook, I'll leave a link for your viewing pleasure.

I had a really difficult time sleeping last night. As I previously posted, I have two pinched nerves in my neck and back. They came about as I was doing a big stretch the other day and I felt both of them pop and suddenly it was instant pain. The intensity of the pain has quieted down some since then, but they still flare up on occasion and give me grief. Last night was one of those nights. It didn't help that I fell asleep on the sofa and when I woke up all the lights were off and I was all disoriented so I sat up quick and jogged something in my neck because I had this HUGE jolt of pain that shot down through the left side of my neck and through to the tips of my fingers on my left hand. My fingers immediately started tingling and going numb. Eventually it made it's way down my left leg to my toes. I went to bed and tried going to sleep, but it was impossible. Not only did it hurt immensely, but the tingling and numbness was a huge irritation. I ended up going back downstairs for awhile, after popping a bunch of Aleve (wishing I had something stronger to help with the pain), and after awhile the pain subsided, though not completely. Trouble is I am still having moments of tingling and numbness in my left hand and leg. It's very disconcerting. I can't quite grab things the way I need to with my left hand, as of I have lost strength. Argh. I feel like I am falling apart!

I had a bit of a freaky incident last night while snoozing on the sofa, waiting for the Aleve to kick in. I was "sleeping" but not really, because I was totally aware of what was going on around me, but I couldn't speak or move. I remember fighting just to open my eyes. The freakiest part of it, though, was I kept hearing piano music, as if someone was on the keyboard playing scales up and down. At first I thought Kent was still up and playing, because I could have swore the light to the upstairs hallway was on, but then I remember the keyboard was downstairs and there was no way he could be playing. I tried to call for him, but that's when I realized I couldn't speak. The piano music got louder so I closed my eyes and fought just to say "STOP!". It did and then I was able to move, open my eyes and talk. I hightailed it for the bedroom, not even glancing at the keyboard. I was scared when I realized the hall light was off (I was certain I saw it flick on). I have had episodes like that happen to me before, though not for quite some time. I know it's called Sleep Paralysis but it's the most unsettling feeling there ever was. *shudder* Other times when I have experienced it I've heard cackling and once I even saw a person standing over me while I was laying in bed. Not cool.

I feel like I am going crazy.

I have two pinched nerves in my neck and the pain extends down from either side of my neck through each shoulder blade. The one on my left has extended into my left arm and it is numb and tingly and that feeling, on top of the pain, is near driving me to tears. I took an Aleve...correction, I took three Aleve and I am impatiently waiting for them to work their magic. I hate this.

I ended up coming downstairs since I was rearranging myself every few minutes and I didn't want to continue being a nuisance to Kent. I already started that when I came to bed to begin with. I had fallen asleep on the sofa and got all crabby with him when I came upstairs. I guess this is Karma biting me back in the ass, eh? Anyway, I didn't want to end up having him get up to come downstairs because I was keeping him up, so I came down instead. I'll probably end up sleeping down here now. Actually, I end up sleeping down here at least once a week because of my damn back, which really makes no sense because I don't feel any better for it.

Now my left leg and foot are tingling. Perfect.

So I finally broke down and got a seed starter kit. At first I was resistant just because I didn't want to fork out the few dollars needed for one, but I found myself with a few extra dollars today, so I decided to splurge the full $6 it cost for one. I'd like to get them started tonight, maybe and then put them in the back porch upstairs. I was getting a little nervous about not having actually planted anything outside, but most everyone I have talked to has reassured me that starting anything before the first of June is really not a good idea, so I feel better. Since we'll be downstate for Lisa's wedding the first weekend of June, I won't be planting anything until after we get back, but that will give time for my seeds to get started indoors. I am not wishing I had bought the starter kit sooner, but oh well. You live, you learn. When they go on clearance, I'll buy a couple to be ready for next year.

I also bought a hose and a spray attachment. We found out that the outside water faucet doesn't work, though. That means we'll have to get another length of hose and run it from the wash tub in the laundry room. Ah well. At least we'll have a way to water the garden and the lawn. One of our projects this year will be trying to get the grass to grow in the back yard. Right now it's nothing but dirt with a few randoms tufts of grass. I don't think the previous owners did much for raking and lawn care and let their dog(s) poo all over the place. When we were raking there was a lot of dog poo mixed in with the leaves. Gross. Anway, we got some grass seed for the yard and some straw to put over it and we're hoping it takes. *fingers crossed*

Overall, I've had a good day, though. I don't feel like I get to say that too often these days. I'm always a bit stressed or feeling overwhelmed, but today I was able to get some things accomplished (housecleaning) and it makes me happy. I got the whole first floor cleaned and will be starting on the second floor shortly. There's not much for me to do upstairs other than change the sheets on the bed as well as sweep and vacuum. I just cleaned the bathroom a couple days ago so I can skip that. I do have more laundry to do, though, so that's what I'll finish my night up with.

And on that note, I ought to get started. The kids are hauling down their dirty stuff down now, so I supposed I ought to get it sorted and maybe work on some ironing.

Today was probably not a good day to wear a skirt. At least not without any tights. My legs are freezing. I did not want to get out of bed this morning. All I wanted to do is snuggle up to Kent and sleep the morning away. *sigh* That would have been nice. He's nice to snuggle up to.

I've got a whole list of things I need to work on today here at the shop. I really don't want to do any of it. Maybe after a cup or two of coffee I'll feel better.

I got some dirt turned in the steppe planters the other day. Our dirt is rich, but sandy. I'm going to have to get some top-soil and compost to mix in for maximum growing potential. Thursday is going to be spent digging and planting all day. I've got Oregano, Thyme, Basil, beans, spinach, tomatoes and a couple other things I can't remember. Then I got some sweet peas to plant along the fencing to pretty it up. Eventually it will all need to be replaced, because right now it's just random pieces of wood, metal and fencing put together either to keep animals in or out. It looks pretty white trash, though, so I'm hoping some delicate sweet peas will help to ease the eyesore until we can afford to get it replaced.

I went on a bike ride on Sunday. I really really REALLY enjoyed it. I didn't get one in yesterday, but Kent and I did go for a walk. I probably won't get either in today, which makes me a little sad. With the weather being so pleasant lately, I really want to get outside. We've got a full day today, though. After work we've got to go grocery shopping, then home for a quick dinner, then back to Marquette for trivia and then a CD release party at the UpFront for The Chanteymen which our friend Jesse plays in. I'm getting exhausted just thinking about it.

I suppose I should be hitting up that list...*yawn*

Anyone here ever listen to A Prairie Home Companion?? Like on a regular basis? I love this show. I always forget that it's on and only end up catching random end bits here and there. Mostly it's the closing of the show. I've gotten a little better than that tonight, and am so happy I did. I just love Love LOVE this show. Garrison Keilor's voice along with the skits, the songs, the story telling makes for such a wonderful time. *happy sigh*

It's the simple things that make me happy.

I had my job interview this morning at MGH. If my not showing up at 6:55am bright-eyed and looking nice doesn't count in my benefit, then they are a cruel cruel people.

My interview was at 7:00am. I set my alarm for 5:45am, but I woke up when Kent got up to sleep on the sofa at 4:30am (my snoring...oops...gotta look into doing something about that), and I couldn't get back to sleep. Ugh. I felt like something horrid warmed over this morning and I am positive I looked about as good. But I chinned up and, "forward ho!", went to my interview.

I first had to take this ridiculous 100 question survey which provided vague multiple choice responses like: Definitely Not, Probably Not, Probably Yes, Definitely Yes, to questions like: "Sally was approached by a patient family member for some help. Sally told them she couldn't help them because she was on her way to lunch. Sally's supervisor overheard her exchange with the patient family member. Should Sally be fired for not helping the family member?"

Really???

Or the one that I get questioned on in the second portion of my interview: "Are you ever late for work."

I put "probably yes" since I want to be honest...stuff happens and sometimes you are going to be late. But it's not like I have a bad work ethic. Like I said, though, I got questioned on that response, so I was honest and told the nurse interviewing me that the survey basically sucked because the answer options were so ridiculous and vague. He laughed and agreed. *whew*

The first portion of my interview was with Eric in HR. He was friendly and I felt comfortable talking with him. His portion of the interview was basically to go through allllllll the paperwork and policies the hospital requires/needs you to know at the time a job through them is offered. It's pretty extensive. But I found out that the job is only part time (a 0.7 which means you work 7 days out of a 14 day pay period), but it pays $10.05 to start, and there is a shift differential. It's Variable Days, which only means that it's a day shift, but I may need to come in at 6:00am or 6:30am instead of 7:00am. After working those early hours with Rena I really came to enjoy getting up so early and having such a large portion of my day left when I got off work. I think I'd enjoy getting back in to a shift like that.

After singing my name to 3923509234345 documents, Eric to me to the Ortho/Neuro Floor to meet Mike, who is the Head Nurse on that floor. Mike was nice enough, though he put off a very serious front at first. It was a little intimidating to deal with at 8:30am, but during the course of the interview he showed more of his humorous side.

I hesitate to say I feel comfortable about the interview because I really want this job. I know it's only part time, but really...if you can get a job at the hospital, you're good to go. The benefits are great and there is 401k. It just be a good move for me. I did some number crunching, and working only part-time at MGH is not much less than what I make working full-time here. I just want my foot in the damn door.

I tried something different in this interview. It just recently dawned on me that when a person pays you a sincere compliment, they are giving you a gift. They are giving you the gift to share that sentiment about yourself to others, not in a prideful way, but as a matter of fact. In my interview today I used some of those gifts I have been given to sell myself. I have been told I have excellent customer service skills. I have been commended for my strong work ethic. I have been complimented on my positive influence on the work environment. Amongst many other things. So I decided to pick out the ones that would best state my case and threw them out there. I hope they worked.

I don't know though. I never had a cup of coffee before the interview began so everything from the time I woke up this morning until I got half a cup of coffee in me is still kind of a blur. I hope I didn't mess anything up. *sigh*

Even though my day started off kind of sh*itty, it's becoming a "not that bad" day.

I was able to visit with a co-worker this morning for awhile. Deb was meeting one of our brides for a final fitting, so after the bride left we were able to sit and have a cup of coffee together. It was really nice, actually. Deb is a great lady and she has one of those personalities that just perk you up. Yep. I like her.

Before Deb showed up I was able to even have a fun visit with our bride. She's getting married this Saturday and she and her husband-to-be are also trying to buy a house in Lansing and might not hear back from the Realtor until Saturday! Crazy!! She's a really sweet girl. I like her and enjoyed our chat.

After Deb left I decided to exercise some creativity and work on the front window display. I decided to feature nothing but wedding dresses, so I picked Justin Alexander and put these three dresses in the window.

Dress One Dress Two Dress Three

I added three pretty veils on the back wall and a couple of Justin Alexander banners as well as some pretty shoes, purses and jewelry sets. I think it looks nice.

It's helped. Having something creative to do. I always forget how calming doing something creative is. I need to remember that the next time I'm stressing.

My teenagers are testing my patience. I really don't know how I'm going to survive these next few years. I wish I could go back in time and make them elementary aged again. Those were simpler times.

Feeling a bit scatter-brained today. I think I am PMSing, but it seems a little soon. I never keep track of the dates because I'm never right on time. Always a few days late here, few days early there. It's a real pain in the ass. I'd never take those dumb birth control pills that stop your period, though. That's CRAZY stuff. THERE IS A REASON WE BLEED LADIES!!! Why do we humans always insist on messing with things we really should just leave as nature intended?? Yeah..I must be PMSing. I could totally rant about that.

I'm also feeling very indifferent to Kent right now. I am noticing a pattern. I PMS and I want to be single again. I ovulate and I want to be all house maker. How in the heck do I level this out?! Poor Kent has been acting like a lost puppy dog because I got upset about not separating dead leaves from the trash, and I just don't feel bad for him! Does that make me a bad girlfriend?? I have no stinking clue.

I'm trying a new recipe tonight. I found it on AllRecipes.com. It's a pasta styled Caesar salad. It's a regular Caesar salad but you ad 8oz of cooked pasta along with some cooked egg and crumbled bacon. I am also going to add some cooked chicken breast and serve it with bowls of tomato soup and warmed French bread. Last night I put together a recipe I dreamed about the night before. Diced Apples and sliced onions, lightly cooked in butter until they turn tender. Add 1/4 cup honey and 1/2 water and 1/2 tsp cloves to the apples and onions and bring to a boil. Reduce and let simmer about 5-7 or until the liquid starts to slightly thicken. Poor the mixture over boneless pork chops and baked, covered, for 1hr and 15 minutes at 375. I served ours with sour cream mashed potatoes and steamed broccoli. Everyone liked it.

Something I've noticed before about me and cooking, is that I kind of slip into that "zone" when I cook. It's like everything else disappears and it's just me and my kitchen. I absolutely love that feeling. That used to happen for me when I was in high school and did a lot of painting. I would literally lose hours. It was freaking awesome. Cooking has replaced painting, but it's something I love so much more than I ever loved painting. It definitely gives me good feelings.

Maybe that's my trouble today. I am lacking those "good feelings". I've misplaced them, per chance? I'd like them back, though. It's very exhausting being crabby all the time.

Kent and I are picking up a shovel and some more lawn bags at Lowe's tonight. If the weather holds out, I am going to start turning over the dirt for the garden. I was going to have Ryan come over with his roto-tiller, but it's hard to schedule time for that. I'd just as soon get it done myself. I'm still not entirely sure where I want this garden to go. I just know I want to get my hands dirty!

Anyone know how to make your complete journal Friends Only without having to change the Viewing Status each time you post? I seem to remember there was a way to do it, but now I don't remember and can't find it.

Help?

Meal Plan

Monday: Apple Honey Baked Pork Chops w/ mashed potatoes and veggie.

Tuesday: Chicken Caesar Salad & Soup

Wednesday: Taco Joes w/ tater tots and veggies

Thursday: Lemon Parmesan Chicken w/ rice and veggies

I designated tonight as Family Dinner Night without letting anyone know. Maybe I was being a bit passive-aggressive with the kids (I had already clued Kent in), but I wanted to somehow make a point to them with this. How and what it is, I'm not to sure yet. At any rate, I have been cooking all day for Family Dinner Night and I have to say I'm pretty excited about it. It's the one night that I know I can have my whole family at one meal, all together. Maybe I'm being sentimental, but I do look forward to these moments.

Besides making a good meat sauce for tonight's lasagna, I also hung up a clothes line in the back yard. Then I did some raking and cleaning out the corners where the dead leaves had piled up for so long, there is now a dark rich soil underneath. Picking a spot for a vegetable garden might be difficult because there isn't one specific place in the yard that gets a direct hit of sunlight for most of the day. I could have a lot of fun with a non-vegetable garden, though. There are so many different levels to our yard and so many landscaping possibilities, I am almost just as excited about that. Lots of fun to be had at any rate.

Well...my anxieties were all for naught. I had a really good time last night, even if there were moments that I didn't relate at all to what was being talked about. I wasn't the only one who was feeling that way, it turns out! Solidarity!

It was a late night, though, and today I'm tiiiiiiired.

Tonight we are meeting with Stephanie, Greg and maybe Molly & Same for dinner and some great music at the Kaufman Auditorium afterwards. Steppin' In It along with Daisy May and Seth Bernard will be playing there. I love Love LOVE all these musicians. I can't wait!!!

I'm feeling anxious right now, and I'm not sure why.

Kent has friends coming over tonight and although I am normally excited about having people over, I don't relate to these people, so I am extremely uncomfortable. They are all educated, childless, world-traveled, obscure music listening and movie watching, esoteric, existential kind of thinking people. I'm just..well..not like that. I don't feel..gotten..by Kent's group of friends. They are all polite and kind people, but I have absolutely nothing in common with them. They'll sit around here talking about the places they've been, the concerts they've seen, the schools they've attended and what not, and I'll be able to talk about having teenagers.

God. I feel so inadequate tonight.



Boo me.

It's raining right now. I've got the TV muted so I can listen. It's one of my favorite sounds in the world.

I was just outside, a few minutes ago, checking out the back yard and I could feel the rain in the air. You know that warm heaviness just before the bubble pops? Oh! And now thunder!! I love it.

Kent should be on his way home. It's fajitas tonight for dinner. It turned out to be just the two of us, though, but I'm happy with that. He's got work to catch up on with Nevada, and I've got some business related stuff to work on, but it will be nice doing our things under the same roof. Sometimes that's all I need from him. Just having him here with me. It's nice not being so alone anymore. *shrug*

Kari called from school. She said she wasn't feeling well, and when she got here she admitted she was on her period. She also suffered somewhat of an embarrassing situation as a result. I had to sympathize. So I let her stay with me for the afternoon. She took a couple Tylenol and slept for a couple hours and then came down and we talked school and boys. I love that she talks with me the way she does, so I cherish these moments while I still have them. She's an incredible girl, though a bit boy crazy. But aren't most 12 year olds?? I'm hoping it's just a phase. I am in awe that she used to be the (still)quiet little girl who happily ran after her older brothers, doing all her best to keep up. She's developed an intelligent and sarcastic humor, that I love! She's a joy to talk to.

Friends is on..good laughs to be had there.

There must be something in the air..I think it's Spring!

Seems like everyone I meet or talk to or whose journals I read, everyone seems to be having good days. That makes me happy. It must be a good energy front. *smile*

It's bee a good day for me. I woke up happy feeling cozy with my man. Sun was shining, skies bright blue, and even though there is still a touch of chill in the air, the promise of warmer winds is soon to be granted. It excites me like a child waiting to open birthday presents gets excited. I can't wait for those hard red and brown buds now on the trees to burst in to bright spring green leaves. I already have some new, un-introduced, greenage pushing it's way through the ground around the foundation of the house and along the driveway. I'm excited to see what it turns out to be.

I had to call Marquette General's HR office today. I have an interview for a Unit Clerk position in the Neuro/Ortho department scheduled for May 6th at 7am!! I don't actually expect to get the job, but it's still exciting that I am being called in for an interview. If I get this UPHHH job, I'll be able to reapply sometime in the future and stand a better chance at a job there, so I'm not too worried about it.

I came in to Marquette with Kent so I could use his car to run some errands. I had to pick up a tennis racket, pick up some paperwork, and I also made my bi-monthly trip to St. Vinnies. I didn't have anything in particular I was looking for, but I still walked away with a cute and comfortable sun dress, a pair of dress pants for work and a cute casual top, all for just over $6.

After that I took a nice meandering drive along the lake shore taking in the fresh air and big blue sky along with all the others who were out and about. Lots of people walking and in the Lower Harbor park. It's nice to see.

I met up with Daniele at Starbucks, and hopped in her car with her. Accompanied her to Target and then to Lowes where we day dreamed together about back yard gardens and BBQs. It's going to take a season or two for ours to be where I'd like it to be, but I can picture it already. I can't wait to start seriously working on it. We had lunch at the The Rubaiyat, a new
Indian/Mediterranean/Middle Eastern restaurant in Hippie Village in Marquette. It's an AMAZING...AMAAAAAZING restaurant. Everything was delicious. Daniele and I had a good visit, though, and I'm glad we got a chance to hang out. She's heading out to Jamaica tomorrow to shoot a wedding there. Lucky duck! She gave me an opportunity to go along and ge her assistant, but I would have had to come up with the money myself. No way I could do that, but I appreciated the offer! It makes me feel good to know that she thinks I'm good enough as an assistant to shoot a destination wedding with. Maybe next time!

So now I'm just wasting time while my man finishes up work. Not too much longer now. Then trivia tonight! I'm looking forward to it. It's always a good time to hang out with my Trivia friends. They make me laugh in a special way.


Yeah...I'm pretty much in love with the world today.

Now to share a beautiful song by a beautiful man...